Pushing vs. Pressuring

The million-dollar question parents have about pressuring athletes: How do I get my kid to perform at their best? This question is both necessary and tricky. How much do I push, when do I push, and how much is too much? Am I pressuring them too much? Do I want this more than they want this? I want to take us into a way of thinking about pushing and pressuring.

As parents, we all want what’s best for our children, and we are willing to do what we feel is necessary for them to be successful. I remember when my daughter first told me she wanted to play basketball. I was excited about being able to share my favorite thing to do with her. I told her right away that I only know one way to do this, and that’s working hard every day, making sacrifices, and locking in the details. In the beginning, I found myself pushing her.

I define pushing as it’s their idea, they want to do it, and you’re there to support, encourage, and provide the resources to get them better. When it’s their dream, the push comes from them, and the reminder that this is what you said you want.

On the other hand, I believe pressure is where a kid is being forced to do something they don’t want to do, and you find yourself threatening them to have to go to training or do the work. This is where we see declining mental health in many of our young athletes. The pressure comes from the outcome-focused approach. When players are constantly being compared to others who are better than them or stuck looking in someone else’s backyard, they lose their focus on their journey.

Pressuring players to play or do something leaves everyone drained and frustrated. When pushing them, you feel the energy and passion from it. You see the growth and confidence as a result of the work they put into their game.

What are your thoughts on this?